AP Photo/Christian Thompson.

A tanker full of eggnog has just broken down outside our HQ.

It’s just provocative really.

GOOD WEEK

Toure Treasure: Yaya Toure has been named ‘African Footballer of the Year’ for his performances for Manchester City in the EPL this season. Toure, whose brother Kolo also plays for City (when he’s not dieting), scored the goals that propelled City to their first trophy for 35 years and is only the second Ivorian to achieve the honour. The other, of course, was Didier Drogba in 2006.

One Step Forward: For the first time in the history of the universe, the English FA have appointed a woman to their board. Heather Rabbatts is a former deputy chair at Millwall and will perform as an ‘independent non-executive director’. Usually we would follow this announcement with a series of facetious remarks about whether this will help us in our campaign to abolish base-layers, but you’re expecting it, and we hate to be predictable.

Messi Magic: Amazing news for those of you hoping to meet, bewitch, marry and build a life with Lionel Messi. He likes to be fed Pringles! Leo was pictured earlier this week being fed the tasty potato-based snack by his niece. We felt it only appropriate to share it with you.

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BAD WEEK

Click here to view the embedded video.

Seasonal Stomp: Unfortunately, it’s honours of a dubious kind that will be festooning Jermaine Jones’ mantelpiece this holiday. The Schalke and USMNT midfielder was filmed stamping on Borussia Monchengladbach midfielder Marcus Reus’ foot (above) during ‘Gladbach’s 3-1 cup win, despite Reus having a broken foot. He has now been dubbed ‘Evil Kicker’ by German newspaper Bild, and faces a long ban as he was not punished for the incident during the game. He was actually sent off for something else entirely.

Bannan Boo Hoo: Aston Villa midfielder Barry Bannan has recently displayed his donkey credentials by getting busted for drink driving, so it comes as no surprise to find that he’s not exactly thrilled to be assisting police with their holiday campaign. Bannan was pictured next to a member of the Birmingham Constabulary earlier this week, looking like a Kickette staffer who had just been caught with her hand in the freebies draw. Silly boy.

Thoughts & Prayers: Jermain Defoe’s 78-year-old cousin Allan Edgar has been stabbed to death during a robbery at his home in St Lucia. Defoe, whose brother Jade was killed just two years ago, has said “I want to again highlight the desperate need for us to pull together – the world over – to tackle knife crime and teach everyone how sacred a life is“. Our thoughts are with him at this terrible time.

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Okay. We’ve taken control of the tanker and eggnog is now being pumped into the office at a rate of 50 gallons per hour. We reckon we’ll be awake by Tuesday.