The unfair distribution of superior genes is alive and well at this particular Italian football club, and in the name of full disclosure, there’s a few things you need to know about your ovaries before watching AC Milan’s bubba-rific holiday video (set to a banjo remix of Jingle Bells):

1. They are the 99 percent. History often repeats itself, so girdle your loins all you want but Zlatan’s blondies are coming to haul them away (0:11 & 0:40).

2. This will be a peaceful protest by your biological clocks. Sudden feelings of hatred for your contraception will be allowed to flood your main sexual chambers and set up tents, kitchens and a stuffed animal zoo (0:42 – 0:45).

3. During the minutes that follow your viewing of these babies, your bodies will be sent into a state of shock and ‘AWWW!’ (0:57 – 1:00 & 1:08 – 1:10).

Click here to view the embedded video.

It was nice knowing ya, Kickettes!